apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
