I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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