I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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