if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
