I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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