clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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