I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
