a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i think im in europe. pls send help
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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