do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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