I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
