Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
