I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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