Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
