Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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