I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They took my balls.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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