Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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