Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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