Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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