To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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