chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
