guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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