Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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