How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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