Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize