i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
