My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
