omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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