tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
