I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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