Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize