is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
