the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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