Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
