I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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