some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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