this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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