We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
