it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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