omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
