Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
