Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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