I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
vagina is talking i cant
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
