Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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