haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
