i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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