FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
