I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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