Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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