If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
