Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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