I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
