My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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