So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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