am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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