i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
