I need to stop coming to work sober
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
