i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
dude. I can hear the air.
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