i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
