Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
