So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
