so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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