somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
