she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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