What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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