Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
