Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
