Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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