I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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