another moral hangover. fuck.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
