Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
