You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
