i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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