he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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