So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
