thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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