I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
