Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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