I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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