We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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