turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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