k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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