Nicole vs. Life
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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