just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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