They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
