Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
