Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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