I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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