I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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