Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
