So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize