Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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