He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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