Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize