quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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