I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
