Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
