Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
