theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
