Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
