i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
